My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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