I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize