I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
