Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
