On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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