We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
