Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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