Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
