Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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