Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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