I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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