Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
