I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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