Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
