He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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