Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
