We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
