people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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