you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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