I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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