i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
