You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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