you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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