Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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