so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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