just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
