Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
