She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
