i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
