I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
