Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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