On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
