i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
