why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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