and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize