I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
