The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
