She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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