I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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