Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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