It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
