There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
