Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
