I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
