Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
