youre lurking in front of me
barbara walters just said penis...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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