I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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