I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
