I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
