You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I fill condoms, not promises.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
