but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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