I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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