my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
