All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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