If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize