I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
