all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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