My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
