i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
