I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
