I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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