Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
