therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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