i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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