I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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