So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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