hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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