I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
