im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Please don't give away my fajitas
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