You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Semen is not good for contacts.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
