So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
