Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
