It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
