i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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