My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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