she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
