I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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