he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Is Oprah even human
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
