i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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