I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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