I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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